Full Body Scanners vs. Pat Downs: Get Intimate with New Security Measures

In light of the attempted terror attack on a Northwest Airlines flight heading to Detroit, airport security has once again become a hot topic. While people enjoy making fun of the TSA and complaining about the pitfalls of airport security, the reality is that security is necessary and we have to adhere to whatever rules are enacted, no matter how asinine they may seem. Now it seems that we may be passing through more full body scanners and enjoying the loving touch of strangers during pat downs. What exactly does that mean for all of us travelers?

First of all, before you think that full body scanners will keep us safe and sound, you should know that good old-fashioned underpants bombs wouldn’t necessarily show up on the scans. That hasn’t stopped the U.S. government from spending $25 million on 150 new scanners for installation in airports across the country. And the scanners are currently displaying your nether regions in major hubs such as Los Angeles, Washington, D.C., Atlanta, Miami, Detroit and Dallas. All the more reason to wear lead skivvies.

New TSA regulations are also requiring pat downs for all passengers coming from countries that are alleged to support terrorism. Those of you traveling from an unpopular country will have to get felt up by a very underpaid, and probably unmotivated stranger in latex gloves. I’ve always found pat downs to be about as useful as a middle school make-out session. The touching is light, above the clothes and rarely results in finding anything worthwhile. Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels that way.

For now, most travelers won’t notice very many changes other than excruciatingly slow security lines and perhaps more random bag checks and the occasional pat downs. Things turned ugly in Canada where Mounties were needed to assist with security lines after hundreds of flights were canceled because of delays. Most airlines are now recommending that passengers arrive earlier to avoid missing flights due to security screenings. Air Canada has waived bag check fees in light of their decision to increase carry-on restrictions.

Americans traveling domestically probably won’t notice many of the security changes other than those longer-than-usual lines at the airports. Be it full body scanners, pat downs or a glory hole, the results are the same: You don’t know who it is that’s touching you and you’ll feel a bit dirty after. Let’s just hope that you’re wearing clean (and bomb-free) underpants.

[Photo: Billypalooza]