A saltwater crocodile is in the news yet again this week, though this time a bull shark wasn’t involved. Rather, this incident involved a 36-year-old man from Perth, a few too many beers, and a 16-foot-long crocodile named Fatso at the Perth Zoo.
If history has proven anything, it’s this: when you mix alcohol and 16-foot-long masses of muscle and teeth, the results are never good. And yet, Aussies continue to re-learn this lesson, again and again.
This time it was Michael Newman who first managed to have enough to drink to get himself kicked out of a local bar, then decided it would be a good idea to visit the zoo and play with Fatso the crocodile, tvnz reports.
Anyone who knows anything about crocodiles knows that they hate drunken Aussies. If you’re drunk, and Australian, it’s best to keep your distance from these chronically abstaining animals. Always. Even if you’ve seen something cool on TV. Saltwater crocodiles are especially dangerous because they can grow up to 20 feet long, weigh up to 2,000 lbs., and devour a human being in one or two bites.
Newman got lucky. Once he broke into the cage, he gave Fatso one or two pats and sat on top of the crocodile, apparently attempting to ride the beast around. Fatso, annoyed by the man, spun around and chomped him on the right leg. Reactions slowed by the cold, the croc didn’t do any more damage than the one bite. Newman, reactions altered by the alcohol, managed to escape the crocodile pen, return to the bar he’d just been booted from, and have another beer before heading on to the hospital.
You can watch Newman share his thoughts on the night’s events here. Had the weather been a bit warmer, and Fatso a bit less sedate, things might have been different for Newman. Fortunately – or not – he lives on to tell his story, and to torment another captive crocodile some other day. Newman!