*In this blog, the part of Nelson Mandela is played by Academy Award wining actor, Sir Morgan Freeman.
My friend who was a blogger, said not to promise anything in relation to your blog because you are setting yourself up for failure.
So here we go. This is basically the bit before the stuff happens.
Fret not readers, this is not a 48 page ‘Lord of the Rings’ style prologue, I will not attempt to explain the different ways the elves and dwarves and the hobbits pronounce ‘schedule’, ‘tomato’ and ‘pants’.
Nor will it be a Harry Potter style preamble, the one that takes up half a book, cunningly duping the readers into paying again for the same words as the book before, by using the title, ‘Chapter 1’.
I guess my preamble would best compare to ‘Genesis’, but it’s a rule of mine not to mix religion and Penn State, so we’ll move on.
So how did i wind up on the page in front of you, well it began with the same conversation as I’ve been having at least once a day for the past month.
Other person in conversation (usually American), well call them Chad, Chadery Zachery Liberty. He’s had a few beers, and after being rebuffed by the girl he was working on turns to me, in a polite way.
Chad: Oh, that’s a cool accent, so where in Australia are you from?
Me: (disappointingly, likely played by Mckensey Crook) ‘I’m not I’m from England’
Chad: Oh nice, from London?
Chad: Oh (he was looking forward to asking me about the Beefeaters)
Me: Sheffield, it’s the bottom of the top, do you know it?
Chad (running out of anglo-facts already): No. So, England huh, you must love soccer.
Me: You mean football, yes I do, I grew up a stones through from Hillsborough.
Chad: Oh yeah you call it football. We don’t. Hillsborough, hhmmph, there’s one of those out near pittsburgh baypoint on Bart. (long pause) My sister played soccer as a Sophomore. She tried out at college.
Me: Really? (confused) What’s a Sophomore, like a girl scout? (more silence)
Chad (wishing he hadn’t bothered): You must be good then?
Me (wishing Chad was an American girl, Chadesha maybe): nah, I played footy every lunchtime for twelve years and am still cr$p.
Chad : So are you going to be watching the world cup?
Me: Yes, I’m actually going to South Africa, I’m giddy, i can’t wait.
Chad: South Africa, what’s happening there?
Me: Well that’s where the World cup is…
Chad: Really? It’s really violent isn’t it….
Fortunately, one time, I ran into the lovely people at Nileguide and while they had an operative (is that the correct term? Seems cooler than blogger) in Cape Town, they wanted someone with a bit more football knowledge to report back on the sporting goings on, so, here i am, or will be. hopefully.
I promise that my next post will include more information on me (whilst not being like a dating website) and that following that the drivel on football and travel etc. will really start to flow.
So remember my friend, the blogger, said not to promise anything in relation to your blog because you are setting yourself up for failure… well being a glutton for punishment (and having accidentally promised something already), I promise the more fun stuff happens to me in Cape Town, the less I will write, but the funnier it will be.
Andrew ‘insert comedy middle name here’ Rhodes