If you’re heading to Moab, there are some key phrases you might want to remember. After all, you don’t want to look like a total tourist, do you? Here’s our tongue-in-cheek guide to sounding like a local–or at least understanding what the locals are saying.
“Man, did you see that gnarly crack?! Check it–I have no skin left on my knuckles.” [tough brag-a-licious rock climber referring to climbing a crack in a sandstone wall without hand protection, hence the skinned knuckles from jamming hands into the crack]
“After we churn around in Satan’s Gut and live through Big Drop, you’ll practically be a seasoned river rat.” [river guide casually mentioning two aptly-named rapids in famous Cataract Canyon on the Colorado River]
“So then I jammed up the hill, almost did a rag dolly on that tight turn just past that clump of junipers before you hit that next steep climb, then I just screamed downhill like a pro. Till it all ended with an involuntary dismount and I’ve got some serious bacon to show for it. It was totally sick.” [intrepid mountain biker describing a tricky section, a crash, road rash resulting from said crash, ending with calling it “totally awesome”]
“If you don’t start sucking on that bite valve you’re going to dehydrate. Then you’ll start stumbling around in confused lurching circles, and I’ll have to haul your stupidly dry body out of here like a top-notch SAR team. So drink, dammit.” [irritated family/friend telling a stubbornly non-water-imbibing hiking buddy that if they don’t start using that expensive hydration pack their brain will dry up and said family/friend will have to turn into a personal Search And Rescue (SAR) operation to get them back to civilization]
“Wo ist die toilette?” [German tourist in search of a restroom]
“Où sont les toilettes?” [French tourist in search of a restroom]
“Mi scusi, dov’è il bagno?” [Italian tourist in search of a restroom]