Rick's Cabaret

Description:

• Corporate takeovers get a bad rap, despite clearing out sub-par mom & pop groceries suffering an annoying lack of Boar's Head, and sub-par mom & pop banks suffering an annoying lack of solvency. Advancing the greater good by taking over Vegas, Rick's Cabaret. Leveraging their lucrative position on the NASDAQ, Rick's (RICK) has taken over the 26,000sq ft former Scores space and given it a bodacious upgrade, keeping the Roman decadence theme, but knocking down walls for better stage visibility, replacing worn furniture with lush leather/stiletto-proof satin, adding a $150k Diavolo sound & light system, and installing 31 flatscreens, perhaps to check themselves on the CNBC ticker. While the menu's been seriously gourmet'd (steaks, Kobe empanadas, rack of lamb, etc), more important's their spicing up of traditional female offerings with uber-bendy Cirque du Soleil contortionists performing aerial acts on ropes, chains, and rings -- to tip them, you'll have to overcome your acrophobia, and grinding thrift. Service touches are designed to fit all levels of wage-earner: limo/party-bus transportation is comped for everyone and, in addition to the VIP cigar room, there's a less expensive "hour room", a "half-hour room", and a private "three-lapdances-for-$100" area (dances are only $20, but the $40 extra's for the taste-of-VIP you're getting -- the taste of someone taking your $40). Miss this week's grand opening, and Rick's can still improve your existence remotely with its "Ask a Stripper Anything" web-service. Posted questions include everything from "Do the girls...have sexual relations with each other?" to "Why am I such a stud? Why does everything work out so well for me -- and not for others?" Well, Mark from Sierra Vista, AZ, sounds like you suffer from an annoying lack of reality.
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