Top 10 Worst Airplane Passengers
Top 5/10 Lists — By NileGuide Staff on November 24, 2009 at 2:27 pmWith the holidays fast approaching and many travelers climbing aboard flights home, we thought it fitting to round up a list of the absolute worst people to be stuck sitting next to on the plane. From the guy hacking up phlegm to the woman giving herself a facial, we present to you the top 10 worst airplane passengers:
The open-mouthed sleeper
1. The Sleeper:
Theoretically, the Sleeper is the ideal seatmate – quiet, still, not over-sharing their personal life while you try to read your magazine – but in reality they’re one of the worst passengers to be seated next to. If they’re not in the aisle seat blocking your path to the bathroom, they’re pulling the window shade down, blocking the view. If they’re not leaning or drooling on your shoulder, they’re over-sharing their personal life as they talk in their sleep. If they’re not actually asleep, they’re trying to fall asleep…wiggling and adjusting and re-rolling their sweatshirt to use as a pillow. Invest in a pencil and, for your own sake, poke them into consciousness.
2. The Talker:
There is a time and a place to speak to complete strangers. Take speed dating, for instance: it is expected that you will talk to strangers, and they will talk to you. But on an airplane? I’ve always thought that hours seated in a tin can whizzing through the air should be spent catching up on sleep, trashy magazines, and movies too annoying to justify the price of a movie ticket. So, mister I Need To Talk Constantly For The Entire SFO-to-Laguardia Flight: I don’t need what you’re selling. I don’t care about your wife’s genius business idea. Your son is NOT perfect for me. Your childhood does not interest me in the slightest. So instead of divulging far too much information to me, fill your mouth with some peanuts. Or at least a breath mint.
Leave the nail clippers at home
3. The Self-Groomer:
We get it, you’re a busy person, and sometimes you don’t have the time to really sit down, give yourself a once over and make sure you look your best. You’re constantly on the go, so what better time to pluck your eyebrows/clip your toenails/pick at those imperfections on your face/clean your ears than while stuck on an eight-hour flight? Please, for the sake of the rest of us, limit this behavior to the comforts of your own private bathroom. The airplane food is bad enough as it is, we don’t need flying toenail clippings to make the experience any more unappetizing.
4. The Lecherous Traveler or It’s-never-a-bad-time-to-find-a-date Person:
It’s the slightly older man who asks if you have a boyfriend. And then calls you “doll.” It’s the woman who wrestles her carry-on into the storage bin just a little too provocatively. It’s the person who suddenly leans across the aisle and says, “My friends and I are heading out to ____ bar tonight, and you should totally meet up with us. Here’s my number…” It’s the cleavage shot and a breathy “I brought you the whole can of soda” murmured by the flight attendant. It’s the person who hits on you just enough to make you feel uncomfortable for the entire flight.
5. The Politico:
We at NileGuide whole heartedly encourage everyone to be politically active in your free time, no matter what your cause. Vote, volunteer, canvass door-to-door, write a blog! But guess what – If you’re sitting next to us on a six-hour flight to Newark we don’t care. I am sure you’re a lovely, well-rounded and informed individual, but we won’t care. We don’t mean to offend you, as we’re sure your conspiracy theories about [insert opposite political mindest here] are trés incroyable and most likely make your family Thanksgiving the best EVER, but if I’m hunkering down in my seat after downing my Mini bottle of Merlot, Sky Rest Travel Pillow planted firmly beneath half of my face, I’d rather not debate you on the merits of Health Care, Communism, or how everyone but you is a fascist. I’d rather be snoozing my way to the next runway.
Thank You for Not Smoking
6. The Tobacco Enthusiast:
It goes without saying that sitting next to someone who just finished their final pre-flight Camel can be unpleasant at best – stale cigarette smoke in a closed environment at 35,000 feet is about as unpleasant as it gets. If you must smoke pre-flight, do it outside before security if you can, those endangered smoking lounges will only concentrate the stench in your pores. Please note: if you attempt to go the smokeless route in order to get your nicotine fix, please know you won’t go unnoticed. Someone tell Dante – getting stuck between the window and a very large man spitting dribbly chew into a battered Diet Coke Can is the 21st Century Ninth Circle of Hell.
7. The Fragrant Flier:
A whiff of a forgotten cologne of yore can make you weak in the knees, the familiar scent of a loved one can lull you into sleep. A gallon of Britney Spears’s latest olfactory odyssey, or someone who’s forgotten to take their monthly shower can ruin a plane flight and sometimes your vacation. One of the most powerful senses, scent can transport you, or make you want to run for the exits… mid flight. A note to anyone concerned about their nose presence, do the ol’ smell check before you get on board. If you can notice it, you can bet your seatmate, the Flight Attendant, even the Pilot can smell you across the tarmac.
8. The PDA Couple:
I have a few questions for you newlyweds snogging in Row 17, seats A, B, and spilling into C (which happens to be my assigned seat). Did you used to be the type of little kids who take off their clothes in public? Do your lips suffer from chafing to the point that you need prescription-strength chapstick? And when you were both in the same lavatory half an hour ago- and an hour ago- how did you fit in there? Do you go on special diets to make sure you both can fit in that tiny space? I don’t want to think about what happens in there, and how creative you have to be to make it work. Can you please just wait until we land and you get to your hotel?
Even the airline staff is disgusted
9. The Phlegm Monster:
Few noises are more disgusting than the snorking and sniffling of mucus from the sinuses down through the nasal passage and the expulsion of said mucus from the mouth. Add in some hacking and sneezing, and no one wants to be within a ten-foot radius of the The Phlegm Monster, let alone in the seat two inches away. If you’re that sick, should you really be on the plane, expelling germs into the already recycled, stale air? At the very least, head to the lavatory to hock a loogie. And take some Sudafed!
10. The Space Hog:
The secret battle for the armrests is an age old flying challenge. Generally, it’s the early-bird-gets-the-worm scenario or the let’s-be-civilized-and-share instinct that keeps the battle at bay. But, every so often, you have the unfortunate experience of sitting next to the aggressive space hog – the person who jams their elbows back in the seat back and lays claim to both the left and right armrests AND extends their legs and feet into your meager seat and floor space. Throw in a pair of legs from behind stretching into your floor space, and you’re really in trouble. Please, for the rest of us, think about the teeny tiny boxes we’re all trying to fit our limbs into. Don’t make the process any harder!
Have another obnoxious passenger to contribute to the list? Let us know in the comments!
[Photos: Daquella Manera/Flattop341/Worak/Kash_if/Borre Pilot/All Creative Commons]
Tags: airplanes, passengers, travelshare
51 Comments
To add to #10, when I traveled a lot as a consultant, my co-workers and I decided that the poor chap stuck in the middle seat should get both armrests and the window and aisle folks could tough it out with one. Middle seat guy has to be reasonable in their use of both armrests of course:)
For some new ones:
#11 – One of my biggest pet peeves while flying are the people that must grab onto your headrest to pull themselves up out of their seat in order to get up, thus pulling your headrest back and flinging it forth when they have stood. Most likely this occurs during the precious moments of something resembling sleep. Just when you doze off again, they are back.
#12 – The seat kickers, pushers, etc. This includes unruly children that kick seatbacks for entertainment or people propping their foot up into the back of your chair, thus digging right into the small of your back.
#13 – People obsessed with their cell phones. They seem to be the people that talk loudly so everyone can hear their “important” business. They are on them until they are told to turn it off, at least twice and act all flustered with the need to turn their phone off. As soon as they announce it is okay to use cell phones upon landing, theirs are already powered on and they are making a call. Seriously people, please consider some respect to others around you when using your cell phones at all times, not just on a plane.
Great additions Michelle! #11 in particular – people always do that!
Surely “the crying/screaming baby” should be at number one.
Spot on article! I’m afraid I’m a sleeper, though a good one, I promise: I just curl up and crash out. No snoring, talking, or sleep-callisthenics for me. My least favourites are the space hog (I’m too passive to do anything about it) and the talker…which is perhaps why I’m a sleeper – it’s the only way out!
What about “couple involved in loud domestic dispute”? Had one of those on a cross-country flight once. Not happy times.
What about the “I PARTIED WAY TOO HARD THE NIGHT BEFORE FLYING FLIER”? On a flight to Israel the 18 year old kid in the row next to me threw up all over the entire row and then passed out. IT WAS SO DISGUSTING!!! At least I wasn’t sitting IN the row since it was a totally full flight…those people just had to walk around for hours while everyone else had to smell it. So terrible…
Michelle’s #11 is absolutely correct
While not actually on the same flight as you, I would add:
#15: the antisocial ******** who sat in your seat some flights ago, and who spits chewing gum into the seat back folder, where you unknowingly put your laptop/files/magazine/iPod, only to discover a sticky mess as it is extracted.
How about the inconsiderate folks, whose seats are toward the back of the plane, and can’t seem to understand that their luggage should be stowed in the compartment over their seat, and not the one’s located above seats 1-10? They board first and stow their carry-on luggage in the first available overhead compartment, rather than waiting until they reach their section of the aircraft. Hmmm…and where shall the passengers seated in the first 10 rows stow their luggage?!?
Perhaps the solution is for the airlines to be a little creative and do some passenger profiling before seating – putting PDA couple next to ’screaming baby’ might tame their passions and Phlegm Monster next to Tobacco Enthusiast might cure he/she of the habit. Perhaps Self Groomer and The Lecherous Traveler might be the perfect self-indulgent couple. But keep in mind if sleeper is next to you it might just be an indication that you’re one of #2 – #10 and they’re using sleep as a survival tactic.
Technically, “next to” should include “in front of” you. Add to #10, the traveler who cannot survive a flight of any duration without immediately reclining their seat back … and leaving it there, whether they’re sleeping or not. (OK, I’m 6′ 4″, so maybe I’m a little over sensitive to the hogging of “may” space.)
I totally agree with Dave! I’m 6′2″ and used to wear my boots with heels in order to lighten up my suitcase (i’ve since given up though because with a laptop and your knees barely brushing the seat in front of you in the upright position despite wearing flats…its just setting myself up for severe discomfort). I spoke to this woman, who must have topped out at 5′2″ to be generous, while standing around waiting to board telling her my tales of woe about how every time I’ve flown the 5/6 hours back and forth from school, someone puts their seat back in front of me for the entire flight. I usually walk away with bruises on my knees because the tray table is digging into them the whole time. Funny thing, she sat right in front of me and put her seat all the way back for the duration of the flight.
I honestly think that there should be seats reserved for taller people like the emergency isle seats or the seats right behind first class that have a little more leg room.
I loath the people who leap from their seats the instant the plane stops rolling. People – there is one door. Standing in the aisle impatiently WILL NOT accelerate the disembarkation procedures.
you guys are idiots. especially the person that wrote this article
I probably belong on that list too. The person who is scared to fly and can’t hide it to the point of making other people think about their safety too. It’s like a bummer cloud forms around me.
Stanks on a Plane! = http://bit.ly/9yKsH
Apparently Matt doesn’t do much flying. I fly 20 to 30 times a year and have had the ‘pleasure’ of each and every one of these people. I’m always shocked at how these folks drift around in their own little world without any concerns about the impact on those around them. Ya just gotta wonder at what kind of parents they had!
The heavy breather.
This may go under the talker and this may go under one of the other categories, or it may just be in its own horrible category You be the judge. I am not a fan of flying so when I do, I listen to my ipod and read books so as to concentrate on something I do enjoy. On a flight from NY to Orlando a woman remarked to me (after I put down the first book and finished the second before take off) that I was a poor connector. I made the polite mistake of asking her what she meant, and had to endure three hours of her speaking to me from one inch away about her ‘consciousness center’ which specializes in helping people connect. When ever I tried to do the normal, trail off and stare into the distance, conveying her that she said was interesting and I would have to think about it…in silence, she would snap her fingers in my face or shove her face into mine so that our noses were practically touching. So as to bring me back to the here and now. I told her that I was visiting family but that didn’t stop her from insisting on giving me her card and several pamphlets. That’s why one of the worst travellers is THE GURU
DOn’t forget the raging alcoholic, who orders 6 drinks in the first 2 hours of the flight, and then leans over to you to get out becuase he has to “take a whiz.”
Yes Jen, they should reserve seats for people and charge them for this accordingly as they do the obese passengers.
Oh wow, this makes a lot of sense to me dude.
Jess
http://www.online-anonymity.us.tc
You forgot to mention one important, and disgusting, type : the vomiters. I don’t fly often, so I don’t know if this is a usual scenario or if I just have horrendous luck, but three times I’ve either sat beside or just in front of a vomiter. The kind that has a first go in the toilet, comes back with a faint hint of vomit still left in the air and then excretes again maybe an hour down the line. At their seat.
The terrorist airplane bomber dude. Wouldn’t want to be on his flight.
Potted meatslut = http://bit.ly/9yKsH
the guy with the enlarged prostate who has to go to the bathroom ever 15 minutes and has a window seat… keeps climbing over you and waking your ass up so he can get through… if you have a small bladder or can’t hold it in, please book an isle seat
Contradiction alert
“1. The Sleeper:
Theoretically, the Sleeper is the ideal seatmate – quiet, still, not over-sharing their personal life while you try to read your magazine – but in reality they’re one of the worst passengers to be seated next to”
“… I’ve always thought that hours seated in a tin can whizzing through the air should be spent catching up on sleep”
So, you figure you should catch up on sleep. But sleepers are one of the worst passengers. Nice!
I thought everyone would have agreed with me that babies are the worst. Interesting.
I am always annoyed by people who use the overhead compartment. I realize this is 80 percent of flyers, but we would all get off the plane so much faster if everyone just brought less stuff and put it under the seat.
I do tend not to resent other passengers that much, though. You know they’re having a bad time, they know you’re having a bad time. You sort of have a bond with them in that regard.
Why hasn’t mentioned fat people. Lets be real, being obese is predominantly a lifestyle choice. Stop being so PC people. Its fair game to rip on fatties.
1. Smelly. The person who either puts on too much perfume or forget deodorant
2. Marlboro Man the guy who just seconds ago finished a pack of cigarettes
3 Footloose, the person who takes their shoes off and fills the plane with ‘foot fungus’ smell
4. Pillow fight. The adult/child who can’t travel without their adored pillow
5. Twitchy. They’ll switch to decaf…tomorrow. Today they twitch like a grasshopper on crack
#100
NileGuide Staff – never never never….
I want to sit next to Matt. He’ll probably slump in the window seat, pull his hood over an oh-so-sour face, curl into a ball, and stew silently for the entire trip — while manifesting his misanthropic nature by steadfastly refusing any offer of free pretzels or drinks.
I think you tried a little harder on this one in terms of writing style, and you havent flown enough to really nail it. Good article concept though
Number 10 was good.
What about the super happy excited laugher who thinks we are all on an adventure together? If you have travelled enough you know this one.
The coffee breath dude.
The believer. In whatever it is they believe in that you do not, or not as strongly. I had the artist formerly known as prince preach his faith to me on a flight, not kidding.
Crying babies are bad. Annoying moms are worse.
The arrogant business exec who somehow feels he is smarter and more important than everyone, and speaks to the flight attendant like they are children, ironic as he whines?
The drunk, how can you miss the guy or gal (ladies are worse) who walks onto the plane hammered.
And the bad celebrity. There are cool ones and bad ones. The bad ones…ugh.
Some pilots are really annoying too.
I am an air marshall, I sit on airplanes all day long. Unlike most of you, I cannot have a drink of alcohol, I cannot take a nap. I need to actually pay attention to everyone on the plane. I am committed to protecting my fellow passengers and I take my job so very seriously. Still, you all need to trust me when I tell you that i earn every penny I make.
The secret farter. They hold their knees together then try and act casual as they expel. Then once the smell hits they look around pantomiming innocence.
A LAME ARTICLE. The concept had potential, the list and the writing are lacking. I would grade this a “D”
Sleepers are great. No crying babies? No hammered rednecks?
No team of junior high school sports girls?
Lame article. Fly a few hundred times before you decide to write.
i personally hate parents who don’t buy a seat for their child and just have the child sit in their lap for take off and landing. The rest of the plane is not a daycare center for your snot nosed kid. If you are too cheap to pay for a ticket, don’t make the trip for everyone else on the plane a long time in hell.
There was a mom like this on a flight from London to San Francisco, her kid was about 3 and did not sleep at all. She thought it was cute to have the kid running up and down the plane the whole flight. Finally, with about 3 hours left, a flight attendant came over and told the lady that the child had to be in her lap, strapped in unless they were going to the bathroom, we (everyone in that section of the plane) clapped.
11 anyone from the nileguide staff
So tell me, what kind of passengers you want to be seated next to you?
I’m surprised that you didn’t mention the obvious “worst case scenario” – the terrorist.
What about “couple involved in loud domestic dispute”? Had one of those on a cross-country flight once. Not happy times…
What about the secret farter, yours truly, whose secret farts are so deadly that its a public health emergency
and people are running to the exits . Yeah, mid air and no escape
Beware and be scared , be very afraid cause I could be on the next flight after finishing my burrito
Who are you ?
Definitely babies. Especially those who scream, talk loudly, whine, cry, run around, and basically do anything other than sitting put, being quiet and focusing solely on the in-flight entertainment.
I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with babies/children/kids on several trips, both long and short. When I notice a kid under the age of 15 in close proximity, I know the trip will feel twice as long.
I flew from LA to Chicago next to #6. Except in my case, the very large man was an old woman, and the Diet Coke can was a paper cup.
I think the babies/infants are by far the worst. I just sat on a plane from Lima, Peru to Miami (5+ hour flight) in front of two kids. They were bouncing around, hitting the back of my seat the entire way, even though it was an overnight flight. I was trying to sleep, like 90% of the rest of the plane. The fact that their parents said nothing to them was unbelievable. I wanted to punch the parents in the jaw for not even caring that their kids were pissing everyone off the way they were.
Additionally, I hate the people who bring a 2 month old child onto the plane. What do you think is going to happen when you bring your 8 week old infant onto a vessel that roars through the air, changing the pressure of their ears? It’s going to cause them to act like a malfunctioning toy doll that continually cries because it has 6 D size batteries in it. Leave your kid or find someone to babysit…or don’t leave when you just gave birth 8 weeks ago. Thanks!
You do realize that the first person you criticize is yourself, right? You mention twice how you’d rather sleep or that you have a pillow covering half your face.
This is a terrible article, written by someone that likes to complain about everything. If the sleeper is no.1 on your list, and the armrest hog is #10, something tells me that you are by nature a miserable person, in addition to being a talentless hack. The fact that someone paid you for this article, and that someone else dugg it up enough to put it somewhere that I would see it, causes me to think a little less of humanity.
I found the post replies even funnier than the actual top 10 list. I’d say some of what the top 10 covers is true, although a lot of the replies cover the rest.
I had a flight from Denver to Chicago where the plane was delayed for an hour while we were in it (on the ground in Denver) because a guy 2 rows behind me had yak’d as soon as he got on the plane. It was all over the overhead cabinets, seats, floor, etc, and it stunk to high heaven. The flight attendants moved everyone around him up to rows at the front of the plane, but our row was not moved. The guy looked sick (he supposedly had a flu or something) and looked like he was going to be that way the whole flight. I told the flight attendant that this was unreasonable to have him on the plane like this (especially since we didn’t get moved), and eventually they put the guy up in a hotel and gave him a different flight. Probably the most uncomfortable flight I’ve been on though, and extremely smelly the whole trip. Plus, the whole time they were working on cleanup, the guy’s friend kept yelling how ridiculous it was that they needed to move the sick man to a hotel.
I think the worst passengers for me would be the people who are space hogs, or who kick the seat / recline. I’ve had plenty of those where they were obscene if you said anything. Otherwise, I love flying and generally it’s nice to talk to the people around you.
One that bothers me is the couple who were not seated together, but assume that it is ok for them to sit together, so one of them steals another person’s seat without asking first. Often these people bought the cheapest tickets at the last minute, so they both have krappy middle seats. One of them moves to an aisle or window seat to sit next to their significant other, then when the person who that seat belongs to shows up, the ask them if it is ok to switch.
Another that bothers me is the people during boarding who stand right near the edge so that they can get on as soon as their section is called. They are in seating “4″, but need to stand right near the front when the first class people are boarding. You have to ask them “Are you in line”?
I took a flight from Miami (worst airport in the world) to Chicago O’Hare and someone a few rows behind me actuall took thier small dog on the plane. That little piss ant dog wined and cried the whole flight to Chicago. Thank God for a fully charged ITouch and sound blocking ear buds. Mercifully the flight attendants made them take the dog to the back and did something with it because we didn’t hear it until towards the end of the flight. Justifiably the person with the dog got some pretty harsh looks….Board you precious littl fifi and spare the rest of the passengers next time.
you forgot about “the leaner” usually a short person who insists their seat is fully reclined so the normal sized person behind them is trapped and barely able to get out of their seat or eat.